Seeing Ghosts by Chow Kat

Author:Chow, Kat [Chow, Kat]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Published: 2021-08-24T00:00:00+00:00

I blew out the candles and sliced two pieces of the birthday cake. It was custardy and nothing at all like the ones my sisters or mother had made in prior years. But the labor of it—that my father had tried—struck me. I began to cry, anger with myself blooming and transferring to him. When my mother was alive, he had so often been on the periphery, and though I knew my reaction was ungrateful, it felt unnatural to have him try to comfort me now.

In the past, our mother made a racket out of our birthdays, sending short, celebratory paragraphs to the town newspaper. I recently found a clipping from when I turned six. In the accompanying photo, I am wearing one of my mother’s dresses over a sweater and my sisters have piled my hair into a bun at the top of my head. I’m holding a bouquet of fake flowers and beaming: “Happy Birthday, Katelin. Katelin enjoys reading, drawing, singing, playing dolls, riding her bike…she also enjoys playing with her pet parakeets Moonlight, Chiquito and Blueberry…Happy birthday, Katelin, we love you!” My mother wanted everybody to know how much she cared for her daughters. My father found this excessive.

At the kitchen table, bent over the cake, I began to cry. My father patted me tentatively on the back.

Mo haam, mo haam, he said, then drew back into himself.

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